Love

1- To,

The janeman
I LOVE YOU,

SUB- application for love.
Jaan, i beg to say that i am
student of ur heart.I am lonely. I cant live without u. So kindly grant my love.
Ur LOVE

2- Me: Heard you guys broke up. Where is she now?

He: She moved on, and became an astronaut…
Me: ? He: Yes she wanted space. -,-

3- If Girls Is In Love, Her Parents Asks :Who Is That Idiot ?

.
If Boyz Is In Love, His Parents Asks ? Idiot Who Is That Girl ?
.
MORAL : No Matter Whoever In Love, Boyz Are Always IDIOTS….

4- Boy tells a girl “I Love you”

Girl: I will go and tell this to Principal
Boy : Idiot, he is already married

5- A tiger was giving love success party to his friends

A cat came & danced
Tiger asked who are you.
Cat said I was also a tiger before I fell in love.

6- My days are going useless.

So I asked GOD,
Is this love?
GOD replied,
No dear, result is near

7- A man while making love to his maid,

Exclaimed ‘Martha your are sweeter than my wife’

The maid smiled and said
‘i know Because the driver always tells me so’

8- When somebody who is deeply In Love with you tells that You are Cute, beautiful & angelic,I agree.That’s true Believe me, I swear because love is definitely blind

9- If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.

If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

If it just sits in your living room and messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place — you either married it or gave birth to it!

10- Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend. Her mom wanted to help her, so she set up a blind date for her daughter.

When the girl got back from the date she said “That was the worst night of my life!”

“Why is that?” her mom asked.

“He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce!”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“He’s the original owner mom!”

11- Two friends are discussing the possibility of love. “I thought I was in love three times,” one friend says.

“How so?” his friend asks.

“Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me.”

“Was that not love?” his friend asks.

“No,” he replies. “That was obsession. And then two years ago I deeply cared for an attractive woman who didn’t understand me.”

“Was that not love?”

“No,” he replies. “That was lust. And just last year I met a woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean. She was smart, funny, and a great conversationalist. And everywhere I followed her on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit of my stomach.”

“Was that not love?” his friend asks.

“No,” he replies. “That was motion sickness.”

12- A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.”

“My darling,” he replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

13- A man and his wife were returning from a party one evening. As the couple was driving home, she asked her husband, “Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?”

Totally flattered, he replied, “No, dear they haven’t.”

At that point she yelled, “Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?”

14- Grandpa John was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. “Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.”

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

“Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk.”

15- A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day
he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on the circumstances,
and asked him the following questions:

“Have you any grounds”?
“Yes, an acre and half and nice little home”.

“No, I meant what is the foundation of this case”?
It’s made of concrete

“I don’t think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge”?
“No, we have carport, and not need one”.

I mean, what are your relations like?
“All my relations still in Poland”.

“Is there any infidelity in your marriage”?
“We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player”.

“Does your wife beat you up”?
“No, I always up before her”.

“Is your wife a nagger”?
“No, she white”.

“Why do you want this divorce”?
“She going to kill me”.

“What makes you think that”?
“I got proof”.

“What kind of proof”?
“She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in
bathroom. I can read, and it say: “Polish Remover”

16- An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

“What was the name of the Instructor?” asked the neighbor.

“Oh, ummmm, let’s see,” the old man pondered. “You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what’s that flower’s name?”

“A rose?” asked the neighbor.

“Yes, that’s it,” replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, “Hey, Rose, what’s the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?”