Engineer Jokes

A beggar meets another beggar.
A software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other. What is the question ???
* So, Which Platform are you Working on ???….

2- nterviewer: To bataiye PANI ke bina insan kese marega?
Kaalu: Sir, PANI Nahi hoga to insaan tairega kaise?
Tairega nai to doob jayega!! Then he’ll dead…

3- A Software Engg was smoking

Girl: Didn’t u see the warning ?
Smoking is injurious to health.
Engineer: We bother only about errors & not warnings.

4- English Sir- Pappu you are late..!

Pappu- Sir meri car…
Sir- Pappu speak in English,
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Pappu- My car was fussing in the
kichad,
No hilling,
No dolling,
Only po po karing…

5- Engineer to rikshawala : Are o

bhai khali
ho kya??????
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. Rikshawala: Haan bilkul khali
hoon
sahab….
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Engineer : Aao Chalo Phir
Taash khelte hain…. 

5- Ek ladka fail hua to uske papa ne kaha-

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Dekh – dekh us ladki ko dekh wo
Tumhare sath padhti hai,
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1st aayi hai.
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Boy- Dekh – dekh kya dekh??
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Usi ko dekh – dekh ke to fail hua hu..

6- Engineering Is like a….

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typical Indian public toilet
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People outside r desperate to go in &
people inside r dying to finish n come out……!!

7- 10 Doctors, 5 Engineers aur 1 Teacher helicopter ki rassi pe latke hue the.

Pilot – Weight zyadaa hai, 1 Aadmi ko rassi choddni padegi!

Teacher – “Ye Qurbani hum denge kyunki hum teacher hain! Bajao taaliyaan!”

Sabhi Doctors aur Engineers taaliyaan bajaane lage!

Weight khud hi kam ho gaya!

MORAL: Doctor, bano ya Engineer, GURU toh aakhir GURU hi hota hai.

8- Bhikhari: Bhagwan k naam pe kuch de de.

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ENGINEER : Ye le meri B.tech ki degree rakh le.

Bikhari: Tujhe chahiye to meri M.tech ki degree rakh le …

9- Bhikari: Bhagwan ke naam pe kuch de de.

Engineer: Ye le meri B.Tech ki degree rakh le.

Bhikari: Tujhe chahiye to meri M.Tech ki rakh le.

10- A doctor is talking to a car engineer, “Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.”

“Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn’t changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month.”

11- Once an engineer was driving in a ranch and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

“Oh, about $200 today,” said the redneck. “But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out.”

Engineer sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the redneck.

“Here,” he said, “is the check for $900. It’s postdated six years from now.”

12- There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines.

They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, “This is where your problem is.” The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.

The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.

They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:

“One chalk mark $1. Knowing where to put it $49,999″

13- It all makes sense now…

Dilbert’s “Salary Theorem” states that “Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives, sales people, accountants and especially liberal arts majors.” This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two well known postulates:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time.

Since: Knowledge = Power,
then Knowledge = Work / Time,
and Time = Money,
then Knowledge = Work / Money.

Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

14- A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly

slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”

The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!”

The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”

“Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”

15- Normal people believe that if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.

Engineers believe that if it isn’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.

16- An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for and enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, “I like both.”

“Both?”

Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.”

17- A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says, “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

“You must be an engineer,” says the balloonist.

“I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s of no use to anyone.”

The man below says, “You must be in management.”

“I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

18- At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:

“If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?”

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. He said, if our team is the software coder for the program then we all are safe as it is unlikely that it will even reach the runaway