Insult Jokes

1- Bhagwan teri umar lambi kare!
bhagwan tujhe nokri de!
bhagwan tujhe khush rakhe!
bhagwan tujhe barkat de!
yaad ho gaya???? to chal katora utha aur shooru
ho ja.

2- Customer: waiter aisi chai pilao

jisko pee kar tan man jhum
uthe aur badan nachne lage.
Waiter: sir humare yaha bhens
ka dudh aata hai, NAGIN ka
nahi…

3- Main Bevkuf!

Main Bevkuf!
Main Bevkuf!
Main Bevkuf!
.
. .
.
Aahista Bolo
Aawaj Yaha Tak Aa Rhi Hai.
Ab Ho To Ho
Sbko Btana Jruri Hai Kya.

4-  Bhikari Car Me Bethi Madam Se:

Madam, 10Rs De Do.
Madam: Ye Lo! Bhikari Jane
Laga.
Madam: Arey DUA to Do
Bhikari: Car Me To Bethi Ho,
Ab Kya road Pe Bethogi?

5- Dhoni’s MOTHER:

Market se sabji le
aa..
Dhoni: Par Maa
match haar gaye
na, Toh log bahut gusse me hain! Mother: Meri sari
pehnkar jao,
Koi nhi
pehchanega.
Dhoni goes 2
mrket wearing sari. 1GIRL: Hi, Dhoni
hw r u?
Dhoni get shocked:
Apko kaise pata
chala? GIRL: Abbe! Mai
Yuvraj Singh hu.

6- INSULT 

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.
.
.
Boyfriend : Please Keep Me In Your Brain, Not In Your Heart..;)
.
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Girlfriend : How Funny, Why Not Heart..??
.
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Boyfriend : Because
.
.
. .
Your Heart Is Housefull And Brain Is Empty,
More Empty Space Means More Comfort

7- In Jail:

Sanjay Dutt ” Jailer saab, muje fir se Bapu dikh rela hai”
Jailer “Kidhar”
Dutt “Wo udhar dhoti me”
Jailer “Abe Asaram hai wo”

8- Boy: Hello, Pammi darling… kaisi ho?

Girl: Who’s this?
Boy: Tera aashiq hun; jaaneman !!
Girl: Tu Bunty hai na.
Boy: Yes; but how do you know ?
Girl: Tu Bansilal ka beta hai na.
Boy: Yes but how you know me??
Girl: Tu Ramlal ka pota hai na…..
Boy: Yes !! but jaanu, tumhe ye sab kaise pata?
Girl: Bunty Haramkhor; kutte, mai teri Maa hun!!
Tune ‘Pummi’ ko nahi, ‘Mummi’ ko phone lagaya hai!!

9- Classic insult..

Girl: Meri 1-1 saans pe 1-1 ladke marte hai..

Boy: To tum koi accha sa toothpaste istimaal kyo nahi karti..??

10- Auto driver ki seat ke piche

Bahut mast lines likhi thi, couples ke liye-
.
.
.
.
.Message:

Unka chehara dekh ke bola aina,

wah..wa

Unka chehara dekh ke bola aina,

This fairness cream is made in china!

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.
.
Bharat ki Sanskriti me sab kuch bikta hai,

Izzat se baithe
Aaine me sab kuch dikhta hai.!! 

11- Frustrated Rajnikant:
“Kuch to
Rehem karo kamino ..!..Ab Ye
Kisne Likha Ki Rajni Jab Chawal Khata
Hai..To Uske bum Se Idli Nikalti
Hai..

12- Teacher: “Kids,what does the chicken give you?”

Student: “Meat!”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?”
Student: “Bacon!”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
Student: “Homework!”

13- A little boy was in a taxi eating a chocolate, then he took another one and then another …

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A man next to him said “Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth”
.
The boy replied, “my grandfather lived for 132 years”
.
The man asked ” was it because of eating chocolate ?”
.
The boy replied, “No, he was always minding his own business” ……….

14- This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat,

keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,
20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!

15- When you Feel Sad….To cheer up just go to the mirror and say, “Damn I am really so cute” you will overcome your sadness. But don’t make this a habit….. Because liars go to hell

16- Style of break up:

Boy bought gift for His Girl friend-
Girl Friend: What the hell would I do with this rocket?
Boy: You wanted stars ….. !
Now sit on it and GET LOST